I love to write...I have written enough to fill many books...yet I have not written near as much as I probably would want to had I sat down and wrote more regularly! And where is all this that I have written?? Tucked away in a million journals...collecting dust. Jesus told the Pharisees when they were making a big deal about His disciples praising Him like crazy, "I tell you, if they are silent, the very stones would cry out." - Luke 19:40
For the last several months I had a recurring health issue...one that goes away just to come back a week or two later. Hundreds of dollars, many doctor visits, different drugs, pain/discomfort, and several key changes to my lifestyle later, I am **hoping** to be clear of the issue! At first it was a major hit each time the symptoms returned, and was very disheartening...but this next journal (shared exactly as it was originally written) I wrote right after the symptoms returned for probably the 4th or 5th time.
------written 4/14/2013-----
It's odd...I seem to be in a better place lately when I come down with another infection. It's probably all the prayers - thank you Lord for friends and family. I think there is also an element of spiritual readiness that comes with it too - a "this seems like an obvious attack from satan, so I will love and trust God even more" attitude. I don't ever want to be in a similar place as when I struggled so deeply under significant spiritual attack a couple years ago. I want always to trust, follow, and obey my good Father. I want my heart and mind to be set on Him --- so when the health stuff comes up now, it's like - "get ready. get the armor on. and get in the battle - er, truly VICTORY mindset." Because no matter what comes - my Father and Holy Husband is God, the Creator of me, you, this whole world, and even satan himself (I know...that brings up a lot of questions - right?!)...but because of who He is and also what He has done (which has maintained and affirmed who He is (i.e., righteous, glorious, sovereign, merciful, etc, etc!)), He is totally victorious. And He has a plan. And He wants me. He is in me. He is fighting for Himself through my life...not that He has to do ANYthing other than just be since He is God --- Holy, mighty, all sufficient. But He has linked Himself with me - lil ole' me - God decided to make me and then seal me with His Spirit, causing me to cry out and to know deep meaning to "Perfect Father," "my Husband is King"...I have a perfect and very good Father and my Husband is King of the Universe --- not only is He King, but also Creator. There is not one thing that I experience that does not have to fit in His plan and His intention, for His world. There is nothing surprising here to my Father. He knows...He cares....He is at work. I can walk and live confidently in Who He is. My life is not haphazardly lived and truly is not fully (or even close to fully) in my hands...I have an intimate GOD who is totally victorious, loves me, and calls me DAUGHTER & bride too! I am His bride! He is taking my filthy rags and exchanging them with "fine linen, bright and pure" (Rev 19:8) - He is preparing me now. He knows that I am, indeed, a prostitute...a whore who continuously turns her face...but He wants us anyway...He wants to see the whore become His beautiful bride. Revelation 19:13 ---> Oh Word of God, with your many crowns, make my life cry out Your name - Oh King of kings and Lord of lords! Do not contain yourself!
Father, please convict and lead my soul away from any and all evil, within and without. Please Lord, fill me to the overflow...please use this life to Your glory, and please, oh Lord, come soon!
----
As he was drawing near—already on the way down the Mount of Olives—the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” - Luke 19:37-38
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
9.08.2011
As a Child
Below was written in January 2011 - I have currently stepped out of the counseling field for a bit, but wrote this while in the thick of this weighty work - the stories & individuals behind those stories are still very close to my heart, as the experience changed my life & showed me gospel love, community, and God in a whole new light. Similar thoughts have been on my mind lately...if I can catch any of the millions of thoughts that overflow my brain these days, you will see more on this again!
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"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." – Mark 9:37
I work with individuals, mostly women, who have experienced extreme trauma. The stories I hear are the worst of the worst; I could not imagine it possible to hear stories that are more horrible and evil than the stories of the evil these women have experienced. I have become so aware of the evil in this world, but with that, very aware of God’s power over evil, which has been powerful for my own perception of and relationship to the God who saves, grows, and perfects me through Christ Jesus’ sufferings on my account and defeat of death through the resurrection.
It is only through Him that I am able to do the work that I do, and because of Him, I am not overly preoccupied/overwhelmed by clients’ stories, but there are moments when their stories come to mind…usually when I am at church. This happened a couple weeks ago. I was sitting in church and suddenly, clients’ stories of trauma began going through my mind. I had visions of each one, and I began to feel sadness as I watched the abuse endured by young, innocent children play out in my mind. Then suddenly, right in that very moment, I had a strong desire to hold and spend time with a baby. And to my surprise and appreciation, after church, a young mother caught my eye and offered for me to hold her baby!
I got some wonderful time with her sweet precious baby girl. We walked around the church, stole away to the nursery, we exchanged lovely smiles and laughed together, we danced, and we enjoyed one another’s company. After our sweet time together, this sweet baby girl decided to just lay her head down and curl up on my shoulder and fell right asleep! I treasured each moment as I held her close in my arms and she slept peacefully. I felt so loved by God, knowing I had desired this time and felt He had given it to me.
The following day, everything came full circle, as this moment was clearly being turned into more than just a blessing, but also a teaching moment. As I continued reading in a book I had been reading, I came across texts like, “humility is also like a child at rest in his father’s arms (John Piper),” humility is like a child, not childlike as though it is sweet and easy, but childlike that is powerless and absolutely dependent (Piper – my paraphrase), and “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me (Mark 9:37)”
And these texts were so sweet to me knowing that, immediately, as I felt sadness and in touch with some of the horror and evil in the world, I desired to be close to a baby…to receive Jesus and the Father (Mark 9:37) and to experience the humility, powerlessness, and dependency of a child asleep in my arms. And to feel and be reminded of the comfort, joy, and stretching pain in the smallness of curling up in my Father’s arms and resting. Oh how it feels to be painfully small while resting in the great arms of a powerful and absolutely trustworthy Father!
-------------------
"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." – Mark 9:37
I work with individuals, mostly women, who have experienced extreme trauma. The stories I hear are the worst of the worst; I could not imagine it possible to hear stories that are more horrible and evil than the stories of the evil these women have experienced. I have become so aware of the evil in this world, but with that, very aware of God’s power over evil, which has been powerful for my own perception of and relationship to the God who saves, grows, and perfects me through Christ Jesus’ sufferings on my account and defeat of death through the resurrection.
It is only through Him that I am able to do the work that I do, and because of Him, I am not overly preoccupied/overwhelmed by clients’ stories, but there are moments when their stories come to mind…usually when I am at church. This happened a couple weeks ago. I was sitting in church and suddenly, clients’ stories of trauma began going through my mind. I had visions of each one, and I began to feel sadness as I watched the abuse endured by young, innocent children play out in my mind. Then suddenly, right in that very moment, I had a strong desire to hold and spend time with a baby. And to my surprise and appreciation, after church, a young mother caught my eye and offered for me to hold her baby!
I got some wonderful time with her sweet precious baby girl. We walked around the church, stole away to the nursery, we exchanged lovely smiles and laughed together, we danced, and we enjoyed one another’s company. After our sweet time together, this sweet baby girl decided to just lay her head down and curl up on my shoulder and fell right asleep! I treasured each moment as I held her close in my arms and she slept peacefully. I felt so loved by God, knowing I had desired this time and felt He had given it to me.
The following day, everything came full circle, as this moment was clearly being turned into more than just a blessing, but also a teaching moment. As I continued reading in a book I had been reading, I came across texts like, “humility is also like a child at rest in his father’s arms (John Piper),” humility is like a child, not childlike as though it is sweet and easy, but childlike that is powerless and absolutely dependent (Piper – my paraphrase), and “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me (Mark 9:37)”
And these texts were so sweet to me knowing that, immediately, as I felt sadness and in touch with some of the horror and evil in the world, I desired to be close to a baby…to receive Jesus and the Father (Mark 9:37) and to experience the humility, powerlessness, and dependency of a child asleep in my arms. And to feel and be reminded of the comfort, joy, and stretching pain in the smallness of curling up in my Father’s arms and resting. Oh how it feels to be painfully small while resting in the great arms of a powerful and absolutely trustworthy Father!
3.14.2011
Our God is Greater
"Our God is greater," the same words I sang with all my heart and soul to God as I drove to work in the middle of the night (and REFUSED to be filled with fear but with nothing but peace of God). Several months ago, a co-worker of mine called me for emergency back-up overnight at the trauma center where I work. I was driving in the middle of the night, eager to encounter a night I will never forget. On my drive there, I sang with all my being "Our God is Greater" as I anticipated the unimaginable, and I entered work that night with such peace of God. What a night.
A choir of survivor children, former child soldiers in Africa, sing the same song I sang in the car on my way to work that unforgettable night; they sing with all their heart and soul a truth they know by heart and by their very own lives - "our God is greater." I want you to see these kids & how much God loves them - see the link below. Watch those lil boys in the front sing with all their heart, oh wow they have seen God and know His Spirit!
I love the God who is in love with those kids. That is my God...the One who is GREATER.
A choir of survivor children, former child soldiers in Africa, sing the same song I sang in the car on my way to work that unforgettable night; they sing with all their heart and soul a truth they know by heart and by their very own lives - "our God is greater." I want you to see these kids & how much God loves them - see the link below. Watch those lil boys in the front sing with all their heart, oh wow they have seen God and know His Spirit!
I love the God who is in love with those kids. That is my God...the One who is GREATER.
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