As a Child

Below was written in January 2011 - I have currently stepped out of the counseling field for a bit, but wrote this while in the thick of this weighty work - the stories & individuals behind those stories are still very close to my heart, as the experience changed my life & showed me gospel love, community, and God in a whole new light.  Similar thoughts have been on my mind lately...if I can catch any of the millions of thoughts that overflow my brain these days, you will see more on this again!

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"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." – Mark 9:37

I work with individuals, mostly women, who have experienced extreme trauma.  The stories I hear are the worst of the worst; I could not imagine it possible to hear stories that are more horrible and evil than the stories of the evil these women have experienced.  I have become so aware of the evil in this world, but with that, very aware of God’s power over evil, which has been powerful for my own perception of and relationship to the God who saves, grows, and perfects me through Christ Jesus’ sufferings on my account and defeat of death through the resurrection.

It is only through Him that I am able to do the work that I do, and because of Him, I am not overly preoccupied/overwhelmed by clients’ stories, but there are moments when their stories come to mind…usually when I am at church.  This happened a couple weeks ago.  I was sitting in church and suddenly, clients’ stories of trauma began going through my mind.  I had visions of each one, and I began to feel sadness as I watched the abuse endured by young, innocent children play out in my mind.  Then suddenly, right in that very moment, I had a strong desire to hold and spend time with a baby.  And to my surprise and appreciation, after church, a young mother caught my eye and offered for me to hold her baby!

I got some wonderful time with her sweet precious baby girl.  We walked around the church, stole away to the nursery, we exchanged lovely smiles and laughed together, we danced, and we enjoyed one another’s company.  After our sweet time together, this sweet baby girl decided to just lay her head down and curl up on my shoulder and fell right asleep!  I treasured each moment as I held her close in my arms and she slept peacefully.  I felt so loved by God, knowing I had desired this time and felt He had given it to me.

The following day, everything came full circle, as this moment was clearly being turned into more than just a blessing, but also a teaching moment.  As I continued reading in a book I had been reading, I came across texts like, “humility is also like a child at rest in his father’s arms (John Piper),” humility is like a child, not childlike as though it is sweet and easy, but childlike that is powerless and absolutely dependent (Piper – my paraphrase), and “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me (Mark 9:37)” 

And these texts were so sweet to me knowing that, immediately, as I felt sadness and in touch with some of the horror and evil in the world, I desired to be close to a baby…to receive Jesus and the Father (Mark 9:37) and to experience the humility, powerlessness, and dependency of a child asleep in my arms.  And to feel and be reminded of the comfort, joy, and stretching pain in the smallness of curling up in my Father’s arms and resting.  Oh how it feels to be painfully small while resting in the great arms of a powerful and absolutely trustworthy Father!