All I Have is Christ, Sovereign Grace Music

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (2x)

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me

Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose (2x)

And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (3x)

Child of the King

Thank you Jesus for 7/18/2014. It was good to be with You. I think I'll take Wednesday as a day of prayer with You. A lot is going on...and a lot seems to be on the horizon. I sense Your movement, sweet Jesus...I'm eager to remain near to You.

My main ask - please make me a child, one dependent on you, a child leaning in on the King. A child of the King is set for her life. She does have quite a bit of an intense & fierce life before her, but she would not trade it for anything. And, truly, the intensity and ferocity is the King's to lead through. She need only to follow Him and stay near to Him. She gladly does - she would not want it any other way. She identifies herself with the King and that truly shapes and moves her life and future direction. He is a glorious King. One that is so worthy to be followed. His ways are certainly mysterious and creative. Only He knows how to meet the needs of such a mysterious and broken world. He is the Author and, therefore, He is the perfecter - He is the only way. She knows it. She clings to Him. Gladly.

Jesus, please awaken my heart to what You are calling me to. So many dreams, passions, & personal leanings are being awakened. You are opening doors and inviting me to faithfulness. May these passions be a part of the movement of YOU among Your people. Lord, oh that I and those around me would experience the GOSPEL, to be a part of the movement of Your Holy Spirit among Your people, that by every means possible You might be proclaimed. My heart is heavy that Your name would be highest - in my proclamations, but also in my daily life...to see all things brought into subjection to You - to trust and lean on YOU. God - how do I respond to all that You have initiated? Please hold me fast, claim me to faithfulness.

Oh Jesus, I want to live for You. I want my life to be a living sacrifice to You, Oh Lord. You do not need me, but you WANT me. And I WANT YOU. Lord be glorified.

This was my favorite hymn when I was a little girl. In the church I went to growing up, you got to pick the hymn to be sung right after you got baptized.  I remember thinking, how could there be a greater message to claim today than this? God, You were active then. There is no way I could have grasped the beauty of this hymn without your sweet & powerful grace. To be a child, to be claimed by the most Holy One...is to be claimed and named by the King. Even before walking in my identity as a daughter, I had a fierce and glorious King who was on the move...

In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

Weeds

As I approached the garden, I could see where weeds had sprung up; there were not many, but, even so, I could tell that they were there. Just looking at the weeds, they appeared weak and easy to manage, but once I began to tug and pull, I quickly realized that these weeds had thick roots that were very deep, strong, and alive. In fact, their roots were deeper and stronger than some of the desired plants that were growing in the garden. My job that day was to get down to the root of the weeds, in order to completely remove the weed along with its roots.

Pulling weeds is a hard, laborious work, digging up roots, using rough tools, and exerting all my strength and effort often did not get the root free from the ground. There were also times where the root broke and only a part of the weed was released from the garden. These times were disappointing, knowing that my hard work only removed the surface of the weed, leaving its strong root system, which was sure to thrive and quickly grow back.

I remember feeling that it was good and beneficial to do the hard work of ridding the garden of its weeds, but, even so, there remained a biting reality that no matter how hard I worked and how well I uprooted weeds, some weeds were sure to grow back and new weeds were sure to join the garden in due time.

As I reflect on my day of pulling weeds, I recognize a familiar tune between a garden and my daily life. So often, the undesirable parts, “weeds”, of my life, be it my sin or my suffering, seem small or weak on the outside, but prove thick-rooted and deep once pursued further. I might exert all my energy to uprooting deep weeds in my life, only to find new ones pop up or old ones return. I can easily get lost in the task of getting rid of weeds. Weeding – in a garden or in my life – often feels necessary or urgent, but quickly becomes insurmountable if I solely focus my attention on weeding.

Weeding a garden does not sustain or create the glory of a garden. In fact, weeding is only a task of the garden, not to be confused with the key ingredients that actually create and sustain the glory of a garden.

C.S. Lewis speaks of a garden’s glory:

“It (the garden) teems with life. It glows with colour and smells like heaven and puts forward at every hour of a summer day beauties which man could never have created and could not even, on his own resources, have imagined…And when the garden is in its full glory the gardener’s contributions to that glory will still have been in a sense paltry (insignificant) compared with those of nature.”

What Lewis is getting at is that the greater work of the garden is yielded to a force far beyond our contribution. Without sunlight, soil in which life can grow, rain, air, etc., the garden ceases to exist. The garden, like us, is dependent on God to offer far greater care and growth than we can even dream, imagine, or desire. Does that mean that the gardener’s work (pulling weeds, breaking dirt, encouraging here, discouraging there) is unnecessary? No, not at all, as it is the gardener’s work that makes a garden a separate thing from mere wilderness.

However, our work in the garden is our response to what has already been set in motion by the God of the universe. In the beginning, before there was man, and before there was a garden, there was a God who purposefully set things in motion (Genesis 1-2). He purposefully created and now sustains all. We are not creator, nor even sustainer, but are, instead, invited to life-giving intimacy with and dependence on The Creator and The Sustainer and to receive, from Him, life that only He can give.

“Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Jesus knows complete intimacy and perfect communion with the Father, and yet He came to earth, in the form of a man, had no sin, yet died a sinner’s death on a cross, and defeated death through His resurrection. Even the weeds behold a glory that is beyond our understanding. Even the weeds are pointing to something, someone far greater at work.

“Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

The glory of a garden is not in the work of the gardener, but rather in its dependence on a Source far greater and offers far more than we ourselves can provide. So it is with us – we were created dependent on a Source far greater than ourselves; we were made to depend on Him.

----Originally written for karishouse.org

His glory appears...

I think I have a problem (many actually! ha!) because I have been listening to this song on repeat since Wednesday. It’s so peaceful & grounding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiJNQaCYmaA

I love how it talks about my hope found at/around a shameful/awful/deadly cross…because of His incredible glory, He takes what is disgraceful, resurrects, and saves my life. And then how it transitions into awe of how glorious He is…in our life, in the earth, in the celestial, it’s awe-provoking, hard to not get on your knees.

Makes me think of this psalm too.

I also love that it talks about angels…did you know that the Bible talks about there being myriads and myriads, legions upon legions (like in an army), and thousands and thousands and thousands of angels…even says that there are too many to count (“innumerable”). The Bible talks about how they protect…but also their worship and nearness to God. I do not say this to elevate angels, but truly to say that we are in good company!! One of my favorite things to do when I am singing alone or at church is to imagine the thousands and thousands and myriads and myriads, and legions and legions of angels that I am currently singing of God’s glory with….truly, it’s hard to feel alone when you think of it that way. And MAN, I CANNOT WAIT to hear our chorus when we are all completely together with all the angels, with all creation, singing the glory of God – can you even imagine the sound of it!??! Oh my gosh!!

The rocks cry out and I keep my heart tucked away in a million journals...

I love to write...I have written enough to fill many books...yet I have not written near as much as I probably would want to had I sat down and wrote more regularly!  And where is all this that I have written??  Tucked away in a million journals...collecting dust.  Jesus told the Pharisees when they were making a big deal about His disciples praising Him like crazy, "I tell you, if they are silent, the very stones would cry out." - Luke 19:40

For the last several months I had a recurring health issue...one that goes away just to come back a week or two later.  Hundreds of dollars, many doctor visits, different drugs, pain/discomfort, and several key changes to my lifestyle later, I am **hoping** to be clear of the issue!  At first it was a major hit each time the symptoms returned, and was very disheartening...but this next journal (shared exactly as it was originally written) I wrote right after the symptoms returned for probably the 4th or 5th time.

------written 4/14/2013-----
It's odd...I seem to be in a better place lately when I come down with another infection.  It's probably all the prayers - thank you Lord for friends and family.  I think there is also an element of spiritual readiness that comes with it too - a "this seems like an obvious attack from satan, so I will love and trust God even more" attitude.  I don't ever want to be in a similar place as when I struggled so deeply under significant spiritual attack a couple years ago.  I want always to trust, follow, and obey my good Father.  I want my heart and mind to be set on Him --- so when the health stuff comes up now, it's like - "get ready. get the armor on. and get in the battle - er, truly VICTORY mindset." Because no matter what comes - my Father and Holy Husband is God, the Creator of me, you, this whole world, and even satan himself (I know...that brings up a lot of questions - right?!)...but because of who He is and also what He has done (which has maintained and affirmed who He is (i.e., righteous, glorious, sovereign, merciful, etc, etc!)), He is totally victorious.  And He has a plan.  And He wants me.  He is in me.  He is fighting for Himself through my life...not that He has to do ANYthing other than just be since He is God --- Holy, mighty, all sufficient.  But He has linked Himself with me - lil ole' me - God decided to make me and then seal me with His Spirit, causing me to cry out and to know deep meaning to "Perfect Father," "my Husband is King"...I have a perfect and very good Father and my Husband is King of the Universe --- not only is He King, but also Creator.  There is not one thing that I experience that does not have to fit in His plan and His intention, for His world.  There is nothing surprising here to my Father.  He knows...He cares....He is at work.  I can walk and live confidently in Who He is. My life is not haphazardly lived and truly is not fully (or even close to fully) in my hands...I have an intimate GOD who is totally victorious, loves me, and calls me DAUGHTER & bride too!  I am His bride!  He is taking my filthy rags and exchanging them with "fine linen, bright and pure" (Rev 19:8) - He is preparing me now.  He knows that I am, indeed, a prostitute...a whore who continuously turns her face...but He wants us anyway...He wants to see the whore become His beautiful bride.  Revelation 19:13 ---> Oh Word of God, with your many crowns, make my life cry out Your name - Oh King of kings and Lord of lords!  Do not contain yourself!

Father, please convict and lead my soul away from any and all evil, within and without.  Please Lord, fill me to the overflow...please use this life to Your glory, and please, oh Lord, come soon!

----

As he was drawing near—already on the way down the Mount of Olives—the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” - Luke 19:37-38

All is Right

"I need You more than anything.  I am a mess...but God is working miracles in and around me, because He is God and He is far from being a mess. This is right and okay -- He should reign! Kristy, let Him reign over this life! Let Him help you. Be vulnerable because you need God; you need people.  All is right; do not be upset about your inability to save yourself. This inability brings you to the place you were destined to be -- at the foot of Christ.

I pray away the thorns because they hinder and distract me when He purposes them to draw me nearer." - writing archives, 2-17-2009

Untitled

Lord - I love You.  I want and need more of You.  Please teach me Your grace so much that I desire to show it to others out of overflow (instead of judgment!).  Lord - I want to lean hard on Your grace - over my lean on others' judgement, over my own fight for security, safety.  Left to myself, I will not do life justice, Lord.  I will be lame; my fears will come true; I will be stagnant.  Please move me with the heartbeat of Your very own.  Let us be together, as You and Jesus are together.  Holy Spirit, You have sealed me, oh please fill me to overflow!

As a Child

Below was written in January 2011 - I have currently stepped out of the counseling field for a bit, but wrote this while in the thick of this weighty work - the stories & individuals behind those stories are still very close to my heart, as the experience changed my life & showed me gospel love, community, and God in a whole new light.  Similar thoughts have been on my mind lately...if I can catch any of the millions of thoughts that overflow my brain these days, you will see more on this again!

-------------------

"Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me." – Mark 9:37

I work with individuals, mostly women, who have experienced extreme trauma.  The stories I hear are the worst of the worst; I could not imagine it possible to hear stories that are more horrible and evil than the stories of the evil these women have experienced.  I have become so aware of the evil in this world, but with that, very aware of God’s power over evil, which has been powerful for my own perception of and relationship to the God who saves, grows, and perfects me through Christ Jesus’ sufferings on my account and defeat of death through the resurrection.

It is only through Him that I am able to do the work that I do, and because of Him, I am not overly preoccupied/overwhelmed by clients’ stories, but there are moments when their stories come to mind…usually when I am at church.  This happened a couple weeks ago.  I was sitting in church and suddenly, clients’ stories of trauma began going through my mind.  I had visions of each one, and I began to feel sadness as I watched the abuse endured by young, innocent children play out in my mind.  Then suddenly, right in that very moment, I had a strong desire to hold and spend time with a baby.  And to my surprise and appreciation, after church, a young mother caught my eye and offered for me to hold her baby!

I got some wonderful time with her sweet precious baby girl.  We walked around the church, stole away to the nursery, we exchanged lovely smiles and laughed together, we danced, and we enjoyed one another’s company.  After our sweet time together, this sweet baby girl decided to just lay her head down and curl up on my shoulder and fell right asleep!  I treasured each moment as I held her close in my arms and she slept peacefully.  I felt so loved by God, knowing I had desired this time and felt He had given it to me.

The following day, everything came full circle, as this moment was clearly being turned into more than just a blessing, but also a teaching moment.  As I continued reading in a book I had been reading, I came across texts like, “humility is also like a child at rest in his father’s arms (John Piper),” humility is like a child, not childlike as though it is sweet and easy, but childlike that is powerless and absolutely dependent (Piper – my paraphrase), and “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me (Mark 9:37)” 

And these texts were so sweet to me knowing that, immediately, as I felt sadness and in touch with some of the horror and evil in the world, I desired to be close to a baby…to receive Jesus and the Father (Mark 9:37) and to experience the humility, powerlessness, and dependency of a child asleep in my arms.  And to feel and be reminded of the comfort, joy, and stretching pain in the smallness of curling up in my Father’s arms and resting.  Oh how it feels to be painfully small while resting in the great arms of a powerful and absolutely trustworthy Father!

Snapshots: "We don't need better salesmen. We need better messengers."

Been reading some really good stuff lately...decided to share some of my favorites on here. The quote below is from Steve Mizel's blog - I clipped my favorite parts, but do yourself a favor & read the whole thing on his site!
-----
"The gospel is an incredible message of what God did for us in Jesus' death and resurrection. And it is insanely beautiful. He took my shame, my sin, and my place in judgement so that I could stand with him in the fullness of his blessing. He was covered with my shame so that I could be covered with his glory. He was crushed as my substitute in judgment so that I could stand as his brother in blessing.

The gospel is simply and profoundly a message of what God has done to gain our victory - a victory we could never win for ourselves. It is the good news delivered to us so that we might believe and be saved immediately and absolutely from the penalty, progressively from the power, and ultimately from the presence of our sin. The gospel is a message of good news to be believed about God's commitment to us. It is not a request for commitment from us.

The gospel says, Stop trusting your ability to work up to God and take hold of God, and instead start trusting in what God has done to take hold of you.
...
Scripture is clear: we are saved by faith in the person and work of Jesus. Our goal as those who share the good news of Jesus should not be to get people to do something with the truth - it should be to persuade them to believe the truth. And just because we can get someone to want heaven or forgiveness or a better life doesn't mean we have persuaded them to trust completely in the person and work of Jesus.

We don't need better salesmen. We need better messengers. We have been entrusted the greatest message ever given to mankind, and it carries it's own power." - Steve Mizel, Trailhead Church

Snapshots: Hebrews 12:1-2

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

"I remember the effect this verse had on me as a boy when I heard someone explain that we must lay aside not only entangling sins, but "every encumbrance." That is, every weight or obstacle. Things that in themselves may not be sins. This was revolutionary. What it did (and I hope it does the same for you) was show me that the fight of faith - the race of the Christian life - is not fought well or run well by asking, "what's wrong with this or that?" but by asking, "is it in the way of greater faith and greater love and greater purity and greater courage and greater humility and greater patience and greater self-control? Not - Is it a sin? But: Does it help me run! Is it in the way?"..."

But when you look at your life through this lens, remember, "...verse 2 says, "Look to Jesus the author and perfecter of your faith." Don't look to your own resources and say, "I've tried before. It won't work." Fix your eyes on him. The battle is a battle of faith: will you believe that the things he promises are better than the bad habits that you use to cover your sadness? But more than that, Jesus doesn't just respond to faith with his help. He works to author faith and perfect faith. He works to begin it and he works to complete it. Faith lays hold on Jesus for help, because Jesus laid hold on the heart for faith. Hebrews 13:21 says that God works in us what is pleasing in his sight through Jesus. He is the author and the perfecter of our faith" - John Piper

My Psalm to the LORD

To You alone I will sweetly sing & boldly declare:

Perfect Father – You are my all.
Faithful Husband – How do you stay with your whore bride?
Oh I love You. I love You.

Oh Lord, these lies I believe!
Somehow I still hear them – what am I to do?
Lies. Horror. Terror. Deceit. Fear.
They keep me alone, they keep me down, they put distance between me and You.

Turn my protective walls of a fortress into Your mighty Kingdom!
I am Yours. You are mine. You are near.
May I tremble at the closeness of your Presence!
Let me just drink it in!

Lord, I have hidden myself from others.
I have taken my white sheet and covered me up, but I am still there, just below this thin sheet.
Self-protection. Pride. Shame. Loneliness. Judgment. Fear.
Self-Protection and Fear have been my gods.
Against You and You alone have I sinned.

Father, please rip away this white sheet of protection!
It keeps me committed to my gods.

It keeps me from You.
I don’t want to be apart from You! I don’t want to trust anything more than You!
I resign! I don’t want to be my own Savior!
Only You Lord! ONLY You!

Wrap me in Your Presence.
I am Your precious Daughter! Hold me near!

Lord, I will lie down in the midst of the city. I will stand in the middle of destruction.
I will go into the wilderness. I will enter chaos.
If that is where you go, I will go too.
I lie down and see your light all around me. Where you go, I will go.

Lord, reach out to me! Help me to reach to You!
I cannot do this alone. I cannot run this race without You.
Oh Lord, hold my hand. Let us be ever so close.
Even closer as the days pass. I want to know more of You.

Overwhelm me with Your Presence! Surprise me with Your Reign.
God reigns! My Perfect Father reigns! My Faithful Husband is KING!
And He is my Savior; I need You. My Counselor, I cherish You.
Perfect Father, You fill me. Spirit, You never leave me.
You are my Master, I will not go free! You are my King, I will put my face to the ground!

You deliver me from darkness and keep me in Your light.
And You do it again and again – I rest my hope in Your Deliverance.
Holy Savior, Perfect Father, Precious and Powerful Spirit, I love You! Keep me near!

JUDE 20/21

Perfect Father, who knows me, provides for me, loves me unconditionally, forgives me, disciplines me, holds me, saves me...be with me today.

Holy Spirit, who moves me, gives breath to me, convicts me, knows God's will & prays for it on my behalf (thank you so much for that)...help me feel your presence today, open my eyes to your greater things.

Jesus, I love you.  Thank you for making God known to me, thank you for being my Teacher and showing me more and more of God.  Thank you for doing the unthinkable, for coming to the brokenness in the world, coming to my brokenness, and not waiting for or expecting me to do what I am unable to do: to save myself through word or actions.  Thank you for knowing how much I need You and going to the cross so that I could have more of You and see more of God.  I love you.

Please Lord, be with me today.  Wake me up to Your will and Your presence.  Thank you Lord for the desire You have given me for You...thank you for the urgency to take a shorter shower today so that I could have more time with You.  Thank you for this amazing weekend, for time of rest, for a friend that cares about what is going on in my life, for sharing Your glorious way with me through the way you love my friends.  Thank you Lord, for opening the door to let others in to what You and I share, for urging me to give a voice to the intimate life You and I share and the thoughts You stir within me.  Oh I love You.  Help me to want You more than all the other things I think I want more of.  Spirit, it is in You that I have life and breath...Jesus You want me to have life and to have it abundantly (John 10:10).  Lord, please wake me up from my dead ways.  Father, I trust You to defend and protect me from the thief in the world and the lies he tells me.  I need Your gospel truth Lord, oh thank you for being Who I can turn to when I hear the lies!  I love you Lord!

 ^"But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life." - JUDE 20/21