In Affliction - Child, Abide in Christ

"...every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:2, ESV 

"...He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit." - John 15:2, AMP 

"...And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken." - John 15:2, MSG

"Dear Christian, in affliction abide in Christ. When you see it coming, meet it in Christ; when it is come, feel that you are more in Christ than in it, for He is nearer to you than affliction ever can be; when it is passing, still abide in Him. And let the one thought of the Saviour, as He speaks of the pruning, be yours too: 'Every branch that beareth fruit, He purgeth, that it may bring forth more fruit.'

So shall your times of affliction become your times of choicest blessing - preparation for the richest fruitfulness. Led into closer fellowship with the Son of God and deeper experience of His love and grace - established in the blessed confidence that He and you entirely belong to each other - more completely satisfied with Him and more wholly given up to Him than ever before, with your own will crucified afresh and the heart brought into deeper harmony with God's will - you shall be a vessel cleansed, meet for the Master's use, prepared for every good work.  True believer, O try to learn the blessed truth that in affliction your first, your only, your blessed calling is to abide in Christ! Be much with Him alone...Let Jesus Christ Himself be your chief companion and comforter. Delight yourself in the assurance that closer union with Him, and more abundant fruit through Him, are sure to be the results of trial, because it is the Gardener Himself who is doing the pruning, and He will ensure the fulfillment of the desire of the soul that yields itself lovingly to His work." - Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ*

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Oh Lord, thank you for this comfort. It stings, while I feel your embrace. I long for the day You & I and us, Your bride, the Church, will be completely and fully in deepest communion ("a close relationship, an act of intimate sharing, receiving, intimate fellowship, rapport, common faith") and harmony ("an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative").

Oh Lord, that we would be Yours in the deepest possible way for this moment...while anticipating with expectant hope for much more. Oh Lord, I wish I did not have to wait. This must be the deepest possible tension of waiting I will ever know. To have You deeply while longing & wanting for so much more...knowing and expecting ultimate oneness that I will experience with You & with my family, Your bride, the Church.

Everything I am is Yours,

while the FRUITION of that statement (my sanctification) involves death - your death on the cross, your resurrection, your conquer of death, your offer of new life - Your Holy Spirit given, my life blood, my all, the one and only true vine.  His cross is continuously relevant to me.

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*This book, Abide in Christ, this author, Andrew Murray, I cannot recommend highly enough. It has been the book I have been reading for years, alongside God's Word. It has been balm, counsel, & help to my soul - and has helped me turn more deeply & fully to God's Word for God Himself.  Murray has helped reorient my heart time & again - has truly pastored me for years now & I am certain for years to come.

Ministry of Reconciliation

"Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.  For he says,  

“In a favorable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you.” 

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. 

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.  2 Corinthians 5:11-6:13

A new ministry begins today. Oh God please bless it.  Please lead me.  Please capture this to be about You, not about me.  May Your gospel and Your good news move us.  Help me know how to move forward!  Please hold me and carry me.  No matter what - I am Yours.  My future IS secure.  This is just how I am spending some of this life You've given me - and somehow it is intricately connected to You and to that very eternal future I have with You.  And to others' eternal futures too!  Wow.  Mysterious.  Glorious.  Please seal me to You.  Please seal this new ministry to You.

It's all Yours - my faithful and powerful God.

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A Prayer of Resignation and Hope before a Relentless God

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,
“In repentance (or returning) and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” - Isaiah 30:15

God, I am so prideful.  I have been prideful, judgmental, protective, and entitled.  You invite me to rest and repentance...to TRUST.  To belief in Your promises...in Your faithfulness.

-- Thank you -- Thank you -- Thank you -- Thank you --

Thank You that You do not follow me and my will and my whims and my emotions.  Thank you Jesus for being relentless about Your way and about giving me more of You through any and all means possible.  Thank you Jesus for having Your eternal vision and Your deeper plan.  Thank You for Your response to the depths of my soul, the deep longings for You, for justice, for unity, and (here comes the whopper) the longing to be able to love as You have called me to over and over to in Your Word and to receive the love You have for us in You and others.  This is to Your GLORY and it is displayed in unimaginable, un-plannable, mysterious ways.  May our hearts tremble and rest as we experience Your presence and are before You.

Child of the King

Thank you Jesus for 7/18/2014. It was good to be with You. I think I'll take Wednesday as a day of prayer with You. A lot is going on...and a lot seems to be on the horizon. I sense Your movement, sweet Jesus...I'm eager to remain near to You.

My main ask - please make me a child, one dependent on you, a child leaning in on the King. A child of the King is set for her life. She does have quite a bit of an intense & fierce life before her, but she would not trade it for anything. And, truly, the intensity and ferocity is the King's to lead through. She need only to follow Him and stay near to Him. She gladly does - she would not want it any other way. She identifies herself with the King and that truly shapes and moves her life and future direction. He is a glorious King. One that is so worthy to be followed. His ways are certainly mysterious and creative. Only He knows how to meet the needs of such a mysterious and broken world. He is the Author and, therefore, He is the perfecter - He is the only way. She knows it. She clings to Him. Gladly.

Jesus, please awaken my heart to what You are calling me to. So many dreams, passions, & personal leanings are being awakened. You are opening doors and inviting me to faithfulness. May these passions be a part of the movement of YOU among Your people. Lord, oh that I and those around me would experience the GOSPEL, to be a part of the movement of Your Holy Spirit among Your people, that by every means possible You might be proclaimed. My heart is heavy that Your name would be highest - in my proclamations, but also in my daily life...to see all things brought into subjection to You - to trust and lean on YOU. God - how do I respond to all that You have initiated? Please hold me fast, claim me to faithfulness.

Oh Jesus, I want to live for You. I want my life to be a living sacrifice to You, Oh Lord. You do not need me, but you WANT me. And I WANT YOU. Lord be glorified.

This was my favorite hymn when I was a little girl. In the church I went to growing up, you got to pick the hymn to be sung right after you got baptized.  I remember thinking, how could there be a greater message to claim today than this? God, You were active then. There is no way I could have grasped the beauty of this hymn without your sweet & powerful grace. To be a child, to be claimed by the most Holy One...is to be claimed and named by the King. Even before walking in my identity as a daughter, I had a fierce and glorious King who was on the move...

In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

Weeds

As I approached the garden, I could see where weeds had sprung up; there were not many, but, even so, I could tell that they were there. Just looking at the weeds, they appeared weak and easy to manage, but once I began to tug and pull, I quickly realized that these weeds had thick roots that were very deep, strong, and alive. In fact, their roots were deeper and stronger than some of the desired plants that were growing in the garden. My job that day was to get down to the root of the weeds, in order to completely remove the weed along with its roots.

Pulling weeds is a hard, laborious work, digging up roots, using rough tools, and exerting all my strength and effort often did not get the root free from the ground. There were also times where the root broke and only a part of the weed was released from the garden. These times were disappointing, knowing that my hard work only removed the surface of the weed, leaving its strong root system, which was sure to thrive and quickly grow back.

I remember feeling that it was good and beneficial to do the hard work of ridding the garden of its weeds, but, even so, there remained a biting reality that no matter how hard I worked and how well I uprooted weeds, some weeds were sure to grow back and new weeds were sure to join the garden in due time.

As I reflect on my day of pulling weeds, I recognize a familiar tune between a garden and my daily life. So often, the undesirable parts, “weeds”, of my life, be it my sin or my suffering, seem small or weak on the outside, but prove thick-rooted and deep once pursued further. I might exert all my energy to uprooting deep weeds in my life, only to find new ones pop up or old ones return. I can easily get lost in the task of getting rid of weeds. Weeding – in a garden or in my life – often feels necessary or urgent, but quickly becomes insurmountable if I solely focus my attention on weeding.

Weeding a garden does not sustain or create the glory of a garden. In fact, weeding is only a task of the garden, not to be confused with the key ingredients that actually create and sustain the glory of a garden.

C.S. Lewis speaks of a garden’s glory:

“It (the garden) teems with life. It glows with colour and smells like heaven and puts forward at every hour of a summer day beauties which man could never have created and could not even, on his own resources, have imagined…And when the garden is in its full glory the gardener’s contributions to that glory will still have been in a sense paltry (insignificant) compared with those of nature.”

What Lewis is getting at is that the greater work of the garden is yielded to a force far beyond our contribution. Without sunlight, soil in which life can grow, rain, air, etc., the garden ceases to exist. The garden, like us, is dependent on God to offer far greater care and growth than we can even dream, imagine, or desire. Does that mean that the gardener’s work (pulling weeds, breaking dirt, encouraging here, discouraging there) is unnecessary? No, not at all, as it is the gardener’s work that makes a garden a separate thing from mere wilderness.

However, our work in the garden is our response to what has already been set in motion by the God of the universe. In the beginning, before there was man, and before there was a garden, there was a God who purposefully set things in motion (Genesis 1-2). He purposefully created and now sustains all. We are not creator, nor even sustainer, but are, instead, invited to life-giving intimacy with and dependence on The Creator and The Sustainer and to receive, from Him, life that only He can give.

“Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Jesus knows complete intimacy and perfect communion with the Father, and yet He came to earth, in the form of a man, had no sin, yet died a sinner’s death on a cross, and defeated death through His resurrection. Even the weeds behold a glory that is beyond our understanding. Even the weeds are pointing to something, someone far greater at work.

“Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

The glory of a garden is not in the work of the gardener, but rather in its dependence on a Source far greater and offers far more than we ourselves can provide. So it is with us – we were created dependent on a Source far greater than ourselves; we were made to depend on Him.

----Originally written for karishouse.org

Whiter Than Snow -

Today has brought a snow blizzard that I have never seen the likes of! I look out my window and almost only see white! I spent the morning sitting on the hot water radiator in my bedroom (aka, my "window seat" - not only a great view, but warm too!) and began to wonder - "in what ways does this snow tell me more about God or point me to Himself?" I am sure there are many implications of this question, but this is what I sat with as I searched God's Word:

In David's infamous psalm of repentance, Psalm 51:

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones that you have broken rejoice. - Psalm 51:7-8

In the beginning of Isaiah, after describing the very sad lost state of God's people (we are so familiar with this state of being, as we commonly share in it, are we not?):

"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:

though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red like crimson,

they shall become like wool." - Isaiah 1:18

In Daniel, as Daniel has a vision of God & His appearance:

"... and the Ancient of Days took his seat; his clothing was white as snow,

and the hair of his head like pure wool..." - Daniel 7:9

And again in Isaiah,

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven

and do not return there but water the earth,

making it bring forth and sprout,

giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;

it shall not return to me empty,

but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,

and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

“For you shall go out in joy

and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and the hills before you

shall break forth into singing,

and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.**

Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;

instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;

and it shall make a name for the Lord,

an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.” - Isaiah 55:8-13

**Danielle, remember the day we shouted these out into the valleys? Let's keep doing that.**

Wow. Here we see snow being used to paint a picture of something glorious...to lift our gaze to something far beyond our own workmanship, a beautiful picture of God's purposes, as snow is used to describe the clothing of God, the cleansing He offers to us too, and the new robes we will wear because of Him. Snow and its white-ness points us to think about the cleansing and purity we are invited to.

This life is not too broken for Him.

He is fully able to make me, wash me, and make me whiter than snow...my clothing will be like His...moreover, my heart and soul will be and is being made like His. I am so tempted to side with brokenness, to give in to despair and doubt, but He is able to make these broken bones rejoice! My God knows exactly what to do with broken bones, big doubts, crimson sin, and with a

child eager to be reclothed as His Daughter or Son!

As we face a whole lot of snow right now, may it incline our hearts to be filled with the words that many daughters and sons have long sung before us in age-old hymns like "Jesus Paid it All" and "Nothing but the Blood" - as our world fills with snow, may our hearts flood in song!

*click the picture to see the lyrics

His glory appears...

I think I have a problem (many actually! ha!) because I have been listening to this song on repeat since Wednesday. It’s so peaceful & grounding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiJNQaCYmaA

I love how it talks about my hope found at/around a shameful/awful/deadly cross…because of His incredible glory, He takes what is disgraceful, resurrects, and saves my life. And then how it transitions into awe of how glorious He is…in our life, in the earth, in the celestial, it’s awe-provoking, hard to not get on your knees.

Makes me think of this psalm too.

I also love that it talks about angels…did you know that the Bible talks about there being myriads and myriads, legions upon legions (like in an army), and thousands and thousands and thousands of angels…even says that there are too many to count (“innumerable”). The Bible talks about how they protect…but also their worship and nearness to God. I do not say this to elevate angels, but truly to say that we are in good company!! One of my favorite things to do when I am singing alone or at church is to imagine the thousands and thousands and myriads and myriads, and legions and legions of angels that I am currently singing of God’s glory with….truly, it’s hard to feel alone when you think of it that way. And MAN, I CANNOT WAIT to hear our chorus when we are all completely together with all the angels, with all creation, singing the glory of God – can you even imagine the sound of it!??! Oh my gosh!!

The rocks cry out and I keep my heart tucked away in a million journals...

I love to write...I have written enough to fill many books...yet I have not written near as much as I probably would want to had I sat down and wrote more regularly!  And where is all this that I have written??  Tucked away in a million journals...collecting dust.  Jesus told the Pharisees when they were making a big deal about His disciples praising Him like crazy, "I tell you, if they are silent, the very stones would cry out." - Luke 19:40

For the last several months I had a recurring health issue...one that goes away just to come back a week or two later.  Hundreds of dollars, many doctor visits, different drugs, pain/discomfort, and several key changes to my lifestyle later, I am **hoping** to be clear of the issue!  At first it was a major hit each time the symptoms returned, and was very disheartening...but this next journal (shared exactly as it was originally written) I wrote right after the symptoms returned for probably the 4th or 5th time.

------written 4/14/2013-----
It's odd...I seem to be in a better place lately when I come down with another infection.  It's probably all the prayers - thank you Lord for friends and family.  I think there is also an element of spiritual readiness that comes with it too - a "this seems like an obvious attack from satan, so I will love and trust God even more" attitude.  I don't ever want to be in a similar place as when I struggled so deeply under significant spiritual attack a couple years ago.  I want always to trust, follow, and obey my good Father.  I want my heart and mind to be set on Him --- so when the health stuff comes up now, it's like - "get ready. get the armor on. and get in the battle - er, truly VICTORY mindset." Because no matter what comes - my Father and Holy Husband is God, the Creator of me, you, this whole world, and even satan himself (I know...that brings up a lot of questions - right?!)...but because of who He is and also what He has done (which has maintained and affirmed who He is (i.e., righteous, glorious, sovereign, merciful, etc, etc!)), He is totally victorious.  And He has a plan.  And He wants me.  He is in me.  He is fighting for Himself through my life...not that He has to do ANYthing other than just be since He is God --- Holy, mighty, all sufficient.  But He has linked Himself with me - lil ole' me - God decided to make me and then seal me with His Spirit, causing me to cry out and to know deep meaning to "Perfect Father," "my Husband is King"...I have a perfect and very good Father and my Husband is King of the Universe --- not only is He King, but also Creator.  There is not one thing that I experience that does not have to fit in His plan and His intention, for His world.  There is nothing surprising here to my Father.  He knows...He cares....He is at work.  I can walk and live confidently in Who He is. My life is not haphazardly lived and truly is not fully (or even close to fully) in my hands...I have an intimate GOD who is totally victorious, loves me, and calls me DAUGHTER & bride too!  I am His bride!  He is taking my filthy rags and exchanging them with "fine linen, bright and pure" (Rev 19:8) - He is preparing me now.  He knows that I am, indeed, a prostitute...a whore who continuously turns her face...but He wants us anyway...He wants to see the whore become His beautiful bride.  Revelation 19:13 ---> Oh Word of God, with your many crowns, make my life cry out Your name - Oh King of kings and Lord of lords!  Do not contain yourself!

Father, please convict and lead my soul away from any and all evil, within and without.  Please Lord, fill me to the overflow...please use this life to Your glory, and please, oh Lord, come soon!

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As he was drawing near—already on the way down the Mount of Olives—the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” - Luke 19:37-38

You don't have power. God has POWER.

Although I do not often write here - I think to sometimes. And I've been thinking lately, that if I'm going to write more again, than I probably am going to write differently than before. A lot has changed; I have changed. So, perhaps my writing will change. Maybe that's why I haven't been able to write for so long now...I haven't been able to write like I always have and so I gave up on trying. I feel like it is time to let the thoughts loose...they do not have to look the same anymore...I can write, even here, when pretty bows and clean lines are MIA. So get ready...an unleashing is on its way!

So...these thoughts today were spurred on by a sermon by Steve Mizel of Trailhead church. He spoke on power and control, and it began a conversation between me and my Father, God, and Savior, that I think has really led me to a place of worship and awe of God. So here goes!

I have recently realized that I am a closet power person. It may not be as outwardly obvious & probably most would not say so, but as I look at my heart and what it desires and what has caused great disappointment and deep strongholds...has a strong connection to me having power in my life. And really, the last year or so I have really felt powerless in my life, and I think that is part of what has led me to some deep and persistent sadness and apathy of life. And I think it has to do with the fact that I can't have this idol of power right now! How sad that I have put so much hope in something apart from God! And look how disappointing my idol was!

While Steve preached, I began to realize this issue of power and the ways it has motivated different areas of my life, how it has reigned over my emotions, and how not having it has made me want to give up completely. I began to see how I react to lacking power in my life with anger, instability, hopelessness, giving up, blocking out (emotion), and putting on a "front," but I am actually angry...cause I can't have power!

For me, I might gain some insight if I begin to notice when I begin reacting in the ways listed above and ask simple questions like, Where have I lost power? Where am I craving power/influence or thinking about re-gaining power? Historically, the plans to regain power have been elaborate - and total flops!

As I continued thinking about this recent time in my life when I have completely lacked power in my life, God helped me see, very clearly, how it has been a miraculous benefit to me that I have really lost a lot of my perceived power in my life! Lacking power meant that a relationship that seemed impossible, could be mended in the most beautiful of ways. Lacking power means hope in what seemed to be the most hopeless area of my life. And as for a powerless life - this means I can walk (or really dive) into a desperate & strong reliance on God...which sounds like freedom from so many of the chains I've given myself!! A miracle! Oh, I have been praying for miracles....and He is supplying them while I have been sitting and wondering where He was & what kind of God He was! Ahhhhhh - He is this kind of God...the kind of God that is working miracles while I was sitting in a pitiful pit of MUD, depressed and feeling like I was falling apart, all while God continued His active commitment to making Himself great...even in this ole' life!

And I came to realize, if I don't NEED power in life like I thought I did, I can actually have hope.

Oh God. You are inviting me out of my need for power and into freedom in Your sovereignty. I FEEL YOU. Ah. You have power. And it is truly great. You are God over this life...no matter how drenched in sin and doubt. I am Yours - signed and sealed and YOU have power and You are powerfully exercising it over this ole' life - wow.

You doubtful girl - hear this NOW.

Psalm 145:3 "Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised, and his greatness is unsearchable."

Hear it girl, it is TRUE.

God protects us by not letting us be in control, in power - and this reminds me of the power of this truth in my own life and some of the most powerful ways that God has been sovereign and intervened in my life!

God is SO in control even in the suffering or pain....but I think much of my "pain" has been simply (and yet not to be taken lightly) my sinful disagreement with a Holy, righteous, good, powerful God.

Resting in Him, He whose power is so great, there, in that freedom, we have power (in the freedom to rest in Christ).

Free = truth = you have no control or power; you are a slave to your flesh, and God is in His right place as you as His chosen servant, child, creation.

Me: Oh Lord, I want to be me again.
Him: (as He patiently keeps reminding me), you are only "you" with ME.
Me: Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for not letting me get away...can we be together now (hand in hand)?
Him: That is kinda up to you.
Me: I am in love with You. I can't get away from it.

God is relentlessly pursuing me...and no matter how far away I get myself from Him, I cannot help myself but to be absolutely fallen in love with Him, no matter what...this does not (at all - as is clear) speak to how good I am at loving or following Him - but points directly to the object of my love - that which is infinitely holy, right, good, powerful, and BEST - no matter how many other gods I consider, I find myself helplessly head over heels for the only True Husband Father God. Thank God this is true of Him.

No Place I'd rather be 

No Place I'd rather be 

No place I'd rather be 

Than here in Your love, 

Here in Your love 

Set a fire down in my soul 

That I cant contain that I cant control 

I want more of You God 

I want more of You God

oh the glory of God

wow.  This sweet boy is the glory of God.  
Truly, you need to watch this.