Earnestly I seek You - 4.09.2015

My life is about YOU. Revive my soul. Help me to trust in You above all, to follow You, to live to You!! Oh God, You are my God - earnestly I seek You!

"for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught." - Proverbs 3:26 

I am so blessed. God IS taking care of and leading me. He IS tending to my somewhat-willing heart and I have Him. We are not far away from each other & I have not given up. We keep showing up. I can TRUST HIM. You will help me to follow you! Thank you Jesus. Please be my confidence!!

For I know there is a whale's belly should I fight against following You. Imprison me there if I do not follow. Oh Lord - Your grace!! Your grace. I praise You for your jealousy over my heart, my feet, my following. I love You.

You are my God - earnestly I seek You.

In Affliction - Child, Abide in Christ

"...every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:2, ESV 

"...He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit." - John 15:2, AMP 

"...And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken." - John 15:2, MSG

"Dear Christian, in affliction abide in Christ. When you see it coming, meet it in Christ; when it is come, feel that you are more in Christ than in it, for He is nearer to you than affliction ever can be; when it is passing, still abide in Him. And let the one thought of the Saviour, as He speaks of the pruning, be yours too: 'Every branch that beareth fruit, He purgeth, that it may bring forth more fruit.'

So shall your times of affliction become your times of choicest blessing - preparation for the richest fruitfulness. Led into closer fellowship with the Son of God and deeper experience of His love and grace - established in the blessed confidence that He and you entirely belong to each other - more completely satisfied with Him and more wholly given up to Him than ever before, with your own will crucified afresh and the heart brought into deeper harmony with God's will - you shall be a vessel cleansed, meet for the Master's use, prepared for every good work.  True believer, O try to learn the blessed truth that in affliction your first, your only, your blessed calling is to abide in Christ! Be much with Him alone...Let Jesus Christ Himself be your chief companion and comforter. Delight yourself in the assurance that closer union with Him, and more abundant fruit through Him, are sure to be the results of trial, because it is the Gardener Himself who is doing the pruning, and He will ensure the fulfillment of the desire of the soul that yields itself lovingly to His work." - Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ*

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Oh Lord, thank you for this comfort. It stings, while I feel your embrace. I long for the day You & I and us, Your bride, the Church, will be completely and fully in deepest communion ("a close relationship, an act of intimate sharing, receiving, intimate fellowship, rapport, common faith") and harmony ("an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative").

Oh Lord, that we would be Yours in the deepest possible way for this moment...while anticipating with expectant hope for much more. Oh Lord, I wish I did not have to wait. This must be the deepest possible tension of waiting I will ever know. To have You deeply while longing & wanting for so much more...knowing and expecting ultimate oneness that I will experience with You & with my family, Your bride, the Church.

Everything I am is Yours,

while the FRUITION of that statement (my sanctification) involves death - your death on the cross, your resurrection, your conquer of death, your offer of new life - Your Holy Spirit given, my life blood, my all, the one and only true vine.  His cross is continuously relevant to me.

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*This book, Abide in Christ, this author, Andrew Murray, I cannot recommend highly enough. It has been the book I have been reading for years, alongside God's Word. It has been balm, counsel, & help to my soul - and has helped me turn more deeply & fully to God's Word for God Himself.  Murray has helped reorient my heart time & again - has truly pastored me for years now & I am certain for years to come.

A Prayer of Repentance & Plea Over Our Self-Image

Precious Father – you say in your Word that you made us in your very own image, in your very own likeness we were made. It is sweet, fierce, and weighty to be made in your likeness and there are times where we have felt & known this as truth.

God, we confess that our relationship toward ourselves and our bodies is broken. We are vulnerable to self-preoccupation and distracted by our self-image. We lust after things we do not have and make cheap the precious gifts you have given us.

Please give us hearts that long to be more like you. Please save us from hiding, isolation, and comparison. You invite us to new life and freedom – please open our eyes to all that we have in you!

God, please expose what is hidden. Please bring light into all of our dark places and lead us to both you and to community. God, we want to taste the power of confession and repentance, and experience the truth that we are made in your image, and are adopted as sons and daughters with YOU as our most perfect Father!

You relentlessly invite us to have more of You. We need you! Please help us to respond and bring us into freedom.

All I Have is Christ, Sovereign Grace Music

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (2x)

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me

Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose (2x)

And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (3x)

Minimizing Suffering

"My story is not as bad as theirs."

"It could be worse."

"It really was not that bad."

"It’s over, so why talk about it?"

One of the common ways we respond to pain (ours or others’) is by attempting to make it small by minimizing the way we talk, think, or even feel about real events in our lives. I speak not as a self-made expert, but more as a grace-drenched hypocrite.

I often respond to my own story by trying to avoid or minimize my suffering (past, current, future). I have learned to do this quite naturally; it takes very little effort for me to say, “Everything is going well” or to share, in a brief recap, how I am working through or have worked through deep hurts or struggles. It feels shallow and distant, but safe. To share how I am presently suffering or struggling and without solution is a whole other story. To talk about past pain in a way that is not resolved gives me a headache and feels very vulnerable and risky. I do this as if it were unnatural to suffer.

Is it unnatural to suffer? Does a baby not first cry when emerging from the womb? Does God not come to heal the sick (Matthew 9:12-13), restore the broken (Isaiah 61), bring sight to the blind (Matthew 11:4-6), adopt lost/rebellious children (Romans 8:15, Ephesians 1:5), welcome the wayward (Luke 15:11-32), give abundant life (John 10:9-11), bring good news to the poor, wipe every tear (Revelation 21:4), set the prisoner free (Psalm 146:7)? It may feel unnatural to suffer, but the reality is that suffering is something we are all very familiar with. This familiarity taps into what draws my heart so deeply to Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. - Isaiah 61:1-4

Do these verses not tap into something deep within your soul?! Over and over the Bible does not belittle, leave out, or minimize suffering. God’s Word is not at all silent on suffering and speaks freely about pain, broken relationships, suffering, disease, illness, pride, poverty, isolation, oppression, and sin. Jesus boldly and freely declares His intentions to heal, free, and restore. By minimizing the suffering and pain in our stories, we widen our deepest wound - separation from God. We also deepen our isolation from others. He offers deep restoration and healing that responds to pain – fully and authentically. He offers a way that does not require deceiving ourselves or others through minimization. He offers hope that inclines our hearts to believe that we are not as hopeless or as enslaved or as “too far gone” as we may think.

How do we live in the reality of our deep need for God and others over self-reliance? It will take boldness to be vulnerable and courage to have hope. We will need a dose (even just a mustard-seed’s worth!) of faith in Jesus Christ, which we can ask Him for. We will risk exposure, but in the risk, God responds, and He will, no doubt, invite you and others to do the same. He may invite you to turn from sin or to reject sinful responses to suffering (in yourself or others). He will probably expose lies you have believed and use others to give sight where you have been blind. He will want to go to your deepest hurts and He will surely invite you to new life.

"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:9-11

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Some questions that can help us begin the process of really looking and talking honestly about our suffering:

What would it look like for me to be honest in my suffering (past, present, future)?

What am I covering up in my heart by denying or minimizing my suffering?

How might God respond to my pain; what might He be calling me to in my suffering?

Who might I be able to invite into my story?

Originally written for karishouse.org

For I, except You enthrall me, shall never be free...

Batter My Heart (Holy Sonnet 14), John Donne

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

For help with analysis.

Ministry of Reconciliation

"Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.  For he says,  

“In a favorable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you.” 

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. 

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.  2 Corinthians 5:11-6:13

A new ministry begins today. Oh God please bless it.  Please lead me.  Please capture this to be about You, not about me.  May Your gospel and Your good news move us.  Help me know how to move forward!  Please hold me and carry me.  No matter what - I am Yours.  My future IS secure.  This is just how I am spending some of this life You've given me - and somehow it is intricately connected to You and to that very eternal future I have with You.  And to others' eternal futures too!  Wow.  Mysterious.  Glorious.  Please seal me to You.  Please seal this new ministry to You.

It's all Yours - my faithful and powerful God.

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