Truth

"Truth is not rightly known if it does not result in the worship of God." - Michael Snetzer

"All truth exists to make God known, loved, shown." - John Piper

Why is worship absolutely crucial in dreaming about a treatment center?  Because walking in faith that Jesus does heal the brokenhearted means that worship is going to be happening...not just as a preventative measure or an equipping tool (though I'd argue that it is these as well, in the army of God, as we face spiritual warfare)...but because when the truth of God and His grace in Jesus is miraculously heard and experienced by a soul that has only lived in death...worship is the response.  We envision worship because we envision that souls are going to long to worship Jesus.

His glory appears...

I think I have a problem (many actually! ha!) because I have been listening to this song on repeat since Wednesday. It’s so peaceful & grounding.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiJNQaCYmaA

I love how it talks about my hope found at/around a shameful/awful/deadly cross…because of His incredible glory, He takes what is disgraceful, resurrects, and saves my life. And then how it transitions into awe of how glorious He is…in our life, in the earth, in the celestial, it’s awe-provoking, hard to not get on your knees.

Makes me think of this psalm too.

I also love that it talks about angels…did you know that the Bible talks about there being myriads and myriads, legions upon legions (like in an army), and thousands and thousands and thousands of angels…even says that there are too many to count (“innumerable”). The Bible talks about how they protect…but also their worship and nearness to God. I do not say this to elevate angels, but truly to say that we are in good company!! One of my favorite things to do when I am singing alone or at church is to imagine the thousands and thousands and myriads and myriads, and legions and legions of angels that I am currently singing of God’s glory with….truly, it’s hard to feel alone when you think of it that way. And MAN, I CANNOT WAIT to hear our chorus when we are all completely together with all the angels, with all creation, singing the glory of God – can you even imagine the sound of it!??! Oh my gosh!!

Onward -

"These garments, said Christian (formally named "graceless"), were given to me by the Lord of the place to which I am going. Surely they are a token of His kindness, for I had only rags before and when I get to The City He will know me, for I will shall be clothed in His garments." - right before the hill of difficulty

"He went onward, right up the difficult way and as he went he begun to sing,

'The hill, tho steep, I will ascend, for me the toil will not offend
Be brave my heart, and do not fear, for the way of Life leads over here.'"

The Pilgrim's Progress, John Bunyan, written from jail

The rocks cry out and I keep my heart tucked away in a million journals...

I love to write...I have written enough to fill many books...yet I have not written near as much as I probably would want to had I sat down and wrote more regularly!  And where is all this that I have written??  Tucked away in a million journals...collecting dust.  Jesus told the Pharisees when they were making a big deal about His disciples praising Him like crazy, "I tell you, if they are silent, the very stones would cry out." - Luke 19:40

For the last several months I had a recurring health issue...one that goes away just to come back a week or two later.  Hundreds of dollars, many doctor visits, different drugs, pain/discomfort, and several key changes to my lifestyle later, I am **hoping** to be clear of the issue!  At first it was a major hit each time the symptoms returned, and was very disheartening...but this next journal (shared exactly as it was originally written) I wrote right after the symptoms returned for probably the 4th or 5th time.

------written 4/14/2013-----
It's odd...I seem to be in a better place lately when I come down with another infection.  It's probably all the prayers - thank you Lord for friends and family.  I think there is also an element of spiritual readiness that comes with it too - a "this seems like an obvious attack from satan, so I will love and trust God even more" attitude.  I don't ever want to be in a similar place as when I struggled so deeply under significant spiritual attack a couple years ago.  I want always to trust, follow, and obey my good Father.  I want my heart and mind to be set on Him --- so when the health stuff comes up now, it's like - "get ready. get the armor on. and get in the battle - er, truly VICTORY mindset." Because no matter what comes - my Father and Holy Husband is God, the Creator of me, you, this whole world, and even satan himself (I know...that brings up a lot of questions - right?!)...but because of who He is and also what He has done (which has maintained and affirmed who He is (i.e., righteous, glorious, sovereign, merciful, etc, etc!)), He is totally victorious.  And He has a plan.  And He wants me.  He is in me.  He is fighting for Himself through my life...not that He has to do ANYthing other than just be since He is God --- Holy, mighty, all sufficient.  But He has linked Himself with me - lil ole' me - God decided to make me and then seal me with His Spirit, causing me to cry out and to know deep meaning to "Perfect Father," "my Husband is King"...I have a perfect and very good Father and my Husband is King of the Universe --- not only is He King, but also Creator.  There is not one thing that I experience that does not have to fit in His plan and His intention, for His world.  There is nothing surprising here to my Father.  He knows...He cares....He is at work.  I can walk and live confidently in Who He is. My life is not haphazardly lived and truly is not fully (or even close to fully) in my hands...I have an intimate GOD who is totally victorious, loves me, and calls me DAUGHTER & bride too!  I am His bride!  He is taking my filthy rags and exchanging them with "fine linen, bright and pure" (Rev 19:8) - He is preparing me now.  He knows that I am, indeed, a prostitute...a whore who continuously turns her face...but He wants us anyway...He wants to see the whore become His beautiful bride.  Revelation 19:13 ---> Oh Word of God, with your many crowns, make my life cry out Your name - Oh King of kings and Lord of lords!  Do not contain yourself!

Father, please convict and lead my soul away from any and all evil, within and without.  Please Lord, fill me to the overflow...please use this life to Your glory, and please, oh Lord, come soon!

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As he was drawing near—already on the way down the Mount of Olives—the whole multitude of his disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen, saying, “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” - Luke 19:37-38

Let these Grace-Crushed Bones Rejoice

Paul Tripp has written a bit on something he calls "violent grace"...a brief snapshot:

"You see, we all have a perverse capacity to be comfortable with what God says is wrong. So God blesses us with violent, uncomfortable grace. Yes, He really does love us enough to crush us, so that we would feel the pain of our sin and run to Him for forgiveness and deliverance.

David says in Psalm 51:8, “Let the bones You have crushed rejoice." It's a curious phrase. Crushed bones and rejoicing don't seem to go together. You wouldn't say, "Hooray, I have a broken bone!" But that's very close to what David is saying. He's using the searing pain of broken bones as a metaphor of the pain of heart that you feel when you really see your sin for what it is. That pain is a good thing!

Think about it. The physical pain of an actual broken bone is worth being thankful for because it's a warning sign something is wrong in that arm or leg. In the same way, God's loving hammer of conviction is meant to break your heart and the pain of heart you feel is meant to alert you to the fact that something is spiritually wrong inside of you. Like the warning signal of physical pain, the rescuing and restoring pain of convicting grace is a thing worth celebrating!

So God's grace isn't always comfortable because He isn't primarily working on our comfort - He's working on our character. With violent grace He will crush us because He loves us and is committed to our restoration, deliverance, and refinement. And that is something worth celebrating!"

Reflections on "Violent grace"...November 2012

It's been grace all along.  The Lord has been surpassingly good to me.  The violence in the grace has truly been in my reaction to His command to trust and follow Him.  Trusting and following Him has always been a grace when experienced and has truly never let me down.  My reaction to this command is where the punches start.

With my struggles in fear - there has never been anything that has happened to cause me to fear like I do - GRACE. I still struggle with fear more often than not --- and God meets me there. GRACE. I have created the disaster that makes up most of my struggles --- and God is redeeming them. GRACE. My frequent thought - "I wouldn't have this problem in the first place...if I just trusted Him to care for me" and, somehow, through it all, we (God & I) are even closer and He is strengthening my "trust-Him" muscles. GRACE. I create challenges --- He redeems my heart and brings me closer to Himself, while revealing to me more of Himself and His Word. GRACE.

Psalm 51:8 "Let the bones you have crushed rejoice"

My bones, on their own, cannot take You, Oh God - You are far too great, too powerful, too grand for my wee-bones to stand.

My first birth did not set me up to stand before a fearfully wonderful God.  I was set for death since the very beginning: violent grace.  And everything within me KNOWS it - violent grace!

All the strivings...all were/are flavors of death...but You made them cravings for LIFE: violent grace.

My second birth came when I was devastated by my "first life"...every devastating hole You said You could fill...fill to the overflow: I get to have You. Violent. GRACE.  It's better than a solution.  I get to have You.

My bones were not made to be sufficient on their own.

I use to think they could be...I could try harder, do better.  I could train and get stronger.  But my bones were not made to be sufficient on their own.  What crushed them is that I thought they could be sufficient.  I gave them weight they could not bear.  I was not made to be separate from You, God.  What crushes me is these bones. Violent Grace. You gave me bones that I cannot depend on!  Violent Grace. My bones were not made to be sufficient on their own.  I was not made to be separate from God. Violent grace. I cannot depend on myself, and this is how You created me - I am in desperate need for You...and You are exactly who I need most.

Violent Grace.

Psalm 51:8 "Let the bones you have crushed rejoice"

Paul Tripp...words to remember

Paul Tripp - 
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"At any moment in time, the right answer to the question, "What is God doing?" is, "Accomplishing His plan."

“People and situations do not determine our behavior; they provide the occasion where our behavior reveals our hearts.”

"...the Principle of inescapable influence: Whatever rules the heart will exercise inescapable influence over the person’s life and behavior."
“The opportunity is in the trouble.  You can’t have a toxic relationship with trouble”

" We were not created to be autonomous" 

(of the gospel) "This news has nothing to do with fantasies, dreams, or unrealistic expectations.  It is rooted in historical facts and present realities.  It penetrates the harshest human situation with life-altering hope.  It is the only thing worth living for!"

"The good news confronts us with the reality that heart-changing help will never be found in the mound.  It will only be found in the Man, Christ Jesus.  We must not offer people a system of redemption, a set of insights and principles.  We offer people a Redeemer.  In his power, we find the hope and help we need to defeat the most powerful enemies.  Hope rests in the grace of the Redeemer, the only real means of lasting change."
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Question: do I need to hear these things over and over and over???  
Answer: (a big fat) YES!!!!!  Desperately!!  and the God I love provides for me so well...