In Affliction - Child, Abide in Christ

"...every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit." John 15:2, ESV 

"...He cleanses and repeatedly prunes every branch that continues to bear fruit, to make it bear more and richer and more excellent fruit." - John 15:2, AMP 

"...And every branch that is grape-bearing he prunes back so it will bear even more. You are already pruned back by the message I have spoken." - John 15:2, MSG

"Dear Christian, in affliction abide in Christ. When you see it coming, meet it in Christ; when it is come, feel that you are more in Christ than in it, for He is nearer to you than affliction ever can be; when it is passing, still abide in Him. And let the one thought of the Saviour, as He speaks of the pruning, be yours too: 'Every branch that beareth fruit, He purgeth, that it may bring forth more fruit.'

So shall your times of affliction become your times of choicest blessing - preparation for the richest fruitfulness. Led into closer fellowship with the Son of God and deeper experience of His love and grace - established in the blessed confidence that He and you entirely belong to each other - more completely satisfied with Him and more wholly given up to Him than ever before, with your own will crucified afresh and the heart brought into deeper harmony with God's will - you shall be a vessel cleansed, meet for the Master's use, prepared for every good work.  True believer, O try to learn the blessed truth that in affliction your first, your only, your blessed calling is to abide in Christ! Be much with Him alone...Let Jesus Christ Himself be your chief companion and comforter. Delight yourself in the assurance that closer union with Him, and more abundant fruit through Him, are sure to be the results of trial, because it is the Gardener Himself who is doing the pruning, and He will ensure the fulfillment of the desire of the soul that yields itself lovingly to His work." - Andrew Murray, Abide in Christ*

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Oh Lord, thank you for this comfort. It stings, while I feel your embrace. I long for the day You & I and us, Your bride, the Church, will be completely and fully in deepest communion ("a close relationship, an act of intimate sharing, receiving, intimate fellowship, rapport, common faith") and harmony ("an interweaving of different accounts into a single narrative").

Oh Lord, that we would be Yours in the deepest possible way for this moment...while anticipating with expectant hope for much more. Oh Lord, I wish I did not have to wait. This must be the deepest possible tension of waiting I will ever know. To have You deeply while longing & wanting for so much more...knowing and expecting ultimate oneness that I will experience with You & with my family, Your bride, the Church.

Everything I am is Yours,

while the FRUITION of that statement (my sanctification) involves death - your death on the cross, your resurrection, your conquer of death, your offer of new life - Your Holy Spirit given, my life blood, my all, the one and only true vine.  His cross is continuously relevant to me.

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*This book, Abide in Christ, this author, Andrew Murray, I cannot recommend highly enough. It has been the book I have been reading for years, alongside God's Word. It has been balm, counsel, & help to my soul - and has helped me turn more deeply & fully to God's Word for God Himself.  Murray has helped reorient my heart time & again - has truly pastored me for years now & I am certain for years to come.

A Prayer of Repentance & Plea Over Our Self-Image

Precious Father – you say in your Word that you made us in your very own image, in your very own likeness we were made. It is sweet, fierce, and weighty to be made in your likeness and there are times where we have felt & known this as truth.

God, we confess that our relationship toward ourselves and our bodies is broken. We are vulnerable to self-preoccupation and distracted by our self-image. We lust after things we do not have and make cheap the precious gifts you have given us.

Please give us hearts that long to be more like you. Please save us from hiding, isolation, and comparison. You invite us to new life and freedom – please open our eyes to all that we have in you!

God, please expose what is hidden. Please bring light into all of our dark places and lead us to both you and to community. God, we want to taste the power of confession and repentance, and experience the truth that we are made in your image, and are adopted as sons and daughters with YOU as our most perfect Father!

You relentlessly invite us to have more of You. We need you! Please help us to respond and bring us into freedom.

All I Have is Christ, Sovereign Grace Music

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ

Hallelujah! Jesus is my life

I once was lost in darkest night
Yet thought I knew the way
The sin that promised joy and life
Had led me to the grave
I had no hope that You would own
A rebel to Your will
And if You had not loved me first
I would refuse You still

But as I ran my hell-bound race
Indifferent to the cost
You looked upon my helpless state
And led me to the cross
And I beheld God’s love displayed
You suffered in my place
You bore the wrath reserved for me
Now all I know is grace

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (2x)

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow Your commands
Could never come from me

Oh Father, use my ransomed life
In any way You choose (2x)

And let my song forever be
My only boast is You

Hallelujah! All I have is Christ
Hallelujah! Jesus is my life (3x)

Minimizing Suffering

"My story is not as bad as theirs."

"It could be worse."

"It really was not that bad."

"It’s over, so why talk about it?"

One of the common ways we respond to pain (ours or others’) is by attempting to make it small by minimizing the way we talk, think, or even feel about real events in our lives. I speak not as a self-made expert, but more as a grace-drenched hypocrite.

I often respond to my own story by trying to avoid or minimize my suffering (past, current, future). I have learned to do this quite naturally; it takes very little effort for me to say, “Everything is going well” or to share, in a brief recap, how I am working through or have worked through deep hurts or struggles. It feels shallow and distant, but safe. To share how I am presently suffering or struggling and without solution is a whole other story. To talk about past pain in a way that is not resolved gives me a headache and feels very vulnerable and risky. I do this as if it were unnatural to suffer.

Is it unnatural to suffer? Does a baby not first cry when emerging from the womb? Does God not come to heal the sick (Matthew 9:12-13), restore the broken (Isaiah 61), bring sight to the blind (Matthew 11:4-6), adopt lost/rebellious children (Romans 8:15, Ephesians 1:5), welcome the wayward (Luke 15:11-32), give abundant life (John 10:9-11), bring good news to the poor, wipe every tear (Revelation 21:4), set the prisoner free (Psalm 146:7)? It may feel unnatural to suffer, but the reality is that suffering is something we are all very familiar with. This familiarity taps into what draws my heart so deeply to Isaiah 61:

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. - Isaiah 61:1-4

Do these verses not tap into something deep within your soul?! Over and over the Bible does not belittle, leave out, or minimize suffering. God’s Word is not at all silent on suffering and speaks freely about pain, broken relationships, suffering, disease, illness, pride, poverty, isolation, oppression, and sin. Jesus boldly and freely declares His intentions to heal, free, and restore. By minimizing the suffering and pain in our stories, we widen our deepest wound - separation from God. We also deepen our isolation from others. He offers deep restoration and healing that responds to pain – fully and authentically. He offers a way that does not require deceiving ourselves or others through minimization. He offers hope that inclines our hearts to believe that we are not as hopeless or as enslaved or as “too far gone” as we may think.

How do we live in the reality of our deep need for God and others over self-reliance? It will take boldness to be vulnerable and courage to have hope. We will need a dose (even just a mustard-seed’s worth!) of faith in Jesus Christ, which we can ask Him for. We will risk exposure, but in the risk, God responds, and He will, no doubt, invite you and others to do the same. He may invite you to turn from sin or to reject sinful responses to suffering (in yourself or others). He will probably expose lies you have believed and use others to give sight where you have been blind. He will want to go to your deepest hurts and He will surely invite you to new life.

"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:9-11

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Some questions that can help us begin the process of really looking and talking honestly about our suffering:

What would it look like for me to be honest in my suffering (past, present, future)?

What am I covering up in my heart by denying or minimizing my suffering?

How might God respond to my pain; what might He be calling me to in my suffering?

Who might I be able to invite into my story?

Originally written for karishouse.org

For I, except You enthrall me, shall never be free...

Batter My Heart (Holy Sonnet 14), John Donne

Batter my heart, three-person'd God; for you
As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me.

For help with analysis.

Ministry of Reconciliation

"Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others. But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart. For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised. 

From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. 

Working together with him, then, we appeal to you not to receive the grace of God in vain.  For he says,  

“In a favorable time I listened to you,
and in a day of salvation I have helped you.” 

Behold, now is the favorable time; behold, now is the day of salvation. We put no obstacle in anyone's way, so that no fault may be found with our ministry, but as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: by great endurance, in afflictions, hardships, calamities, beatings, imprisonments, riots, labors, sleepless nights, hunger; by purity, knowledge, patience, kindness, the Holy Spirit, genuine love; by truthful speech, and the power of God; with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand and for the left; through honor and dishonor, through slander and praise. We are treated as impostors, and yet are true; as unknown, and yet well known; as dying, and behold, we live; as punished, and yet not killed; as sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; as poor, yet making many rich; as having nothing, yet possessing everything. 

We have spoken freely to you, Corinthians; our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted in your own affections. In return (I speak as to children) widen your hearts also.  2 Corinthians 5:11-6:13

A new ministry begins today. Oh God please bless it.  Please lead me.  Please capture this to be about You, not about me.  May Your gospel and Your good news move us.  Help me know how to move forward!  Please hold me and carry me.  No matter what - I am Yours.  My future IS secure.  This is just how I am spending some of this life You've given me - and somehow it is intricately connected to You and to that very eternal future I have with You.  And to others' eternal futures too!  Wow.  Mysterious.  Glorious.  Please seal me to You.  Please seal this new ministry to You.

It's all Yours - my faithful and powerful God.

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A Prayer of Resignation and Hope before a Relentless God

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel,
“In repentance (or returning) and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” - Isaiah 30:15

God, I am so prideful.  I have been prideful, judgmental, protective, and entitled.  You invite me to rest and repentance...to TRUST.  To belief in Your promises...in Your faithfulness.

-- Thank you -- Thank you -- Thank you -- Thank you --

Thank You that You do not follow me and my will and my whims and my emotions.  Thank you Jesus for being relentless about Your way and about giving me more of You through any and all means possible.  Thank you Jesus for having Your eternal vision and Your deeper plan.  Thank You for Your response to the depths of my soul, the deep longings for You, for justice, for unity, and (here comes the whopper) the longing to be able to love as You have called me to over and over to in Your Word and to receive the love You have for us in You and others.  This is to Your GLORY and it is displayed in unimaginable, un-plannable, mysterious ways.  May our hearts tremble and rest as we experience Your presence and are before You.

Child of the King

Thank you Jesus for 7/18/2014. It was good to be with You. I think I'll take Wednesday as a day of prayer with You. A lot is going on...and a lot seems to be on the horizon. I sense Your movement, sweet Jesus...I'm eager to remain near to You.

My main ask - please make me a child, one dependent on you, a child leaning in on the King. A child of the King is set for her life. She does have quite a bit of an intense & fierce life before her, but she would not trade it for anything. And, truly, the intensity and ferocity is the King's to lead through. She need only to follow Him and stay near to Him. She gladly does - she would not want it any other way. She identifies herself with the King and that truly shapes and moves her life and future direction. He is a glorious King. One that is so worthy to be followed. His ways are certainly mysterious and creative. Only He knows how to meet the needs of such a mysterious and broken world. He is the Author and, therefore, He is the perfecter - He is the only way. She knows it. She clings to Him. Gladly.

Jesus, please awaken my heart to what You are calling me to. So many dreams, passions, & personal leanings are being awakened. You are opening doors and inviting me to faithfulness. May these passions be a part of the movement of YOU among Your people. Lord, oh that I and those around me would experience the GOSPEL, to be a part of the movement of Your Holy Spirit among Your people, that by every means possible You might be proclaimed. My heart is heavy that Your name would be highest - in my proclamations, but also in my daily life...to see all things brought into subjection to You - to trust and lean on YOU. God - how do I respond to all that You have initiated? Please hold me fast, claim me to faithfulness.

Oh Jesus, I want to live for You. I want my life to be a living sacrifice to You, Oh Lord. You do not need me, but you WANT me. And I WANT YOU. Lord be glorified.

This was my favorite hymn when I was a little girl. In the church I went to growing up, you got to pick the hymn to be sung right after you got baptized.  I remember thinking, how could there be a greater message to claim today than this? God, You were active then. There is no way I could have grasped the beauty of this hymn without your sweet & powerful grace. To be a child, to be claimed by the most Holy One...is to be claimed and named by the King. Even before walking in my identity as a daughter, I had a fierce and glorious King who was on the move...

In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In Your church Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my home Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified!
In my words Lord, be glorified, be glorified today.

Sanctification: Fear and Anxiety

Fear -

You cannot be my god.  I have lived for you for far too long.  God is so good in that He has been relentless about dethroning you.  You cannot reign in my life.  You are not allowed to claim my identity, my freedom to live the life God has given me, my relationships, and most of all, you do not get to be elevated over true belief in my Almighty God and Father.  God knows how to use you for His glory and I pray that all my fear would always be used for God's glory.  Every last bit, every single moment of fear, may it only bring me into closer dependence on my Father, make me more eager to declare my God as GOD & bring me to run to Him for relief and the re-writing of my theological beliefs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CGex2YgCrU

3 min spoken word

As I am working hard on the grant I am writing, this spoken word came across my music player…so well timed. Talk about inspiration and motivation…to have faith in a God that carries us. We are so blessed, guys, to have Him! Hope this might encourage and lift you too! How sweet for us, who are His children, to have Him…it all revolves around Him in some mysterious beautiful life-giving way…we are journeying…getting closer and closer…and one day – we’ll be face to face. It’s gonna happen people. Not “if” - it will happen for those who love Him. When we yearn for restoration of all things – we yearn for something that He promises will happen. We yearn for the perfection of our souls and sinful hearts – we yearn for something that will be experienced one day. We will be free. We are journeying there – and I’m super pumped & thankful to get to journey alongside all of you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ofgybd5coQE

Weeds

As I approached the garden, I could see where weeds had sprung up; there were not many, but, even so, I could tell that they were there. Just looking at the weeds, they appeared weak and easy to manage, but once I began to tug and pull, I quickly realized that these weeds had thick roots that were very deep, strong, and alive. In fact, their roots were deeper and stronger than some of the desired plants that were growing in the garden. My job that day was to get down to the root of the weeds, in order to completely remove the weed along with its roots.

Pulling weeds is a hard, laborious work, digging up roots, using rough tools, and exerting all my strength and effort often did not get the root free from the ground. There were also times where the root broke and only a part of the weed was released from the garden. These times were disappointing, knowing that my hard work only removed the surface of the weed, leaving its strong root system, which was sure to thrive and quickly grow back.

I remember feeling that it was good and beneficial to do the hard work of ridding the garden of its weeds, but, even so, there remained a biting reality that no matter how hard I worked and how well I uprooted weeds, some weeds were sure to grow back and new weeds were sure to join the garden in due time.

As I reflect on my day of pulling weeds, I recognize a familiar tune between a garden and my daily life. So often, the undesirable parts, “weeds”, of my life, be it my sin or my suffering, seem small or weak on the outside, but prove thick-rooted and deep once pursued further. I might exert all my energy to uprooting deep weeds in my life, only to find new ones pop up or old ones return. I can easily get lost in the task of getting rid of weeds. Weeding – in a garden or in my life – often feels necessary or urgent, but quickly becomes insurmountable if I solely focus my attention on weeding.

Weeding a garden does not sustain or create the glory of a garden. In fact, weeding is only a task of the garden, not to be confused with the key ingredients that actually create and sustain the glory of a garden.

C.S. Lewis speaks of a garden’s glory:

“It (the garden) teems with life. It glows with colour and smells like heaven and puts forward at every hour of a summer day beauties which man could never have created and could not even, on his own resources, have imagined…And when the garden is in its full glory the gardener’s contributions to that glory will still have been in a sense paltry (insignificant) compared with those of nature.”

What Lewis is getting at is that the greater work of the garden is yielded to a force far beyond our contribution. Without sunlight, soil in which life can grow, rain, air, etc., the garden ceases to exist. The garden, like us, is dependent on God to offer far greater care and growth than we can even dream, imagine, or desire. Does that mean that the gardener’s work (pulling weeds, breaking dirt, encouraging here, discouraging there) is unnecessary? No, not at all, as it is the gardener’s work that makes a garden a separate thing from mere wilderness.

However, our work in the garden is our response to what has already been set in motion by the God of the universe. In the beginning, before there was man, and before there was a garden, there was a God who purposefully set things in motion (Genesis 1-2). He purposefully created and now sustains all. We are not creator, nor even sustainer, but are, instead, invited to life-giving intimacy with and dependence on The Creator and The Sustainer and to receive, from Him, life that only He can give.

“Jesus said, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.” No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

Jesus knows complete intimacy and perfect communion with the Father, and yet He came to earth, in the form of a man, had no sin, yet died a sinner’s death on a cross, and defeated death through His resurrection. Even the weeds behold a glory that is beyond our understanding. Even the weeds are pointing to something, someone far greater at work.

“Let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

The glory of a garden is not in the work of the gardener, but rather in its dependence on a Source far greater and offers far more than we ourselves can provide. So it is with us – we were created dependent on a Source far greater than ourselves; we were made to depend on Him.

----Originally written for karishouse.org

Whiter Than Snow -

Today has brought a snow blizzard that I have never seen the likes of! I look out my window and almost only see white! I spent the morning sitting on the hot water radiator in my bedroom (aka, my "window seat" - not only a great view, but warm too!) and began to wonder - "in what ways does this snow tell me more about God or point me to Himself?" I am sure there are many implications of this question, but this is what I sat with as I searched God's Word:

In David's infamous psalm of repentance, Psalm 51:

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;

wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones that you have broken rejoice. - Psalm 51:7-8

In the beginning of Isaiah, after describing the very sad lost state of God's people (we are so familiar with this state of being, as we commonly share in it, are we not?):

"Come now, let us reason together, says the Lord:

though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red like crimson,

they shall become like wool." - Isaiah 1:18

In Daniel, as Daniel has a vision of God & His appearance:

"... and the Ancient of Days took his seat; his clothing was white as snow,

and the hair of his head like pure wool..." - Daniel 7:9

And again in Isaiah,

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven

and do not return there but water the earth,

making it bring forth and sprout,

giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,

so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;

it shall not return to me empty,

but it shall accomplish that which I purpose,

and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

“For you shall go out in joy

and be led forth in peace;

the mountains and the hills before you

shall break forth into singing,

and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.**

Instead of the thorn shall come up the cypress;

instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle;

and it shall make a name for the Lord,

an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.” - Isaiah 55:8-13

**Danielle, remember the day we shouted these out into the valleys? Let's keep doing that.**

Wow. Here we see snow being used to paint a picture of something glorious...to lift our gaze to something far beyond our own workmanship, a beautiful picture of God's purposes, as snow is used to describe the clothing of God, the cleansing He offers to us too, and the new robes we will wear because of Him. Snow and its white-ness points us to think about the cleansing and purity we are invited to.

This life is not too broken for Him.

He is fully able to make me, wash me, and make me whiter than snow...my clothing will be like His...moreover, my heart and soul will be and is being made like His. I am so tempted to side with brokenness, to give in to despair and doubt, but He is able to make these broken bones rejoice! My God knows exactly what to do with broken bones, big doubts, crimson sin, and with a

child eager to be reclothed as His Daughter or Son!

As we face a whole lot of snow right now, may it incline our hearts to be filled with the words that many daughters and sons have long sung before us in age-old hymns like "Jesus Paid it All" and "Nothing but the Blood" - as our world fills with snow, may our hearts flood in song!

*click the picture to see the lyrics