"My story is not as bad as theirs."
"It could be worse."
"It really was not that bad."
"It’s over, so why talk about it?"
One of the common ways we respond to pain (ours or others’) is by attempting to make it small by minimizing the way we talk, think, or even feel about real events in our lives. I speak not as a self-made expert, but more as a grace-drenched hypocrite.
I often respond to my own story by trying to avoid or minimize my suffering (past, current, future). I have learned to do this quite naturally; it takes very little effort for me to say, “Everything is going well” or to share, in a brief recap, how I am working through or have worked through deep hurts or struggles. It feels shallow and distant, but safe. To share how I am presently suffering or struggling and without solution is a whole other story. To talk about past pain in a way that is not resolved gives me a headache and feels very vulnerable and risky. I do this as if it were unnatural to suffer.
Is it unnatural to suffer? Does a baby not first cry when emerging from the womb? Does God not come to heal the sick (Matthew 9:12-13), restore the broken (Isaiah 61), bring sight to the blind (Matthew 11:4-6), adopt lost/rebellious children (Romans 8:15, Ephesians 1:5), welcome the wayward (Luke 15:11-32), give abundant life (John 10:9-11), bring good news to the poor, wipe every tear (Revelation 21:4), set the prisoner free (Psalm 146:7)? It may feel unnatural to suffer, but the reality is that suffering is something we are all very familiar with. This familiarity taps into what draws my heart so deeply to Isaiah 61:
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins; they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations. - Isaiah 61:1-4
Do these verses not tap into something deep within your soul?! Over and over the Bible does not belittle, leave out, or minimize suffering. God’s Word is not at all silent on suffering and speaks freely about pain, broken relationships, suffering, disease, illness, pride, poverty, isolation, oppression, and sin. Jesus boldly and freely declares His intentions to heal, free, and restore. By minimizing the suffering and pain in our stories, we widen our deepest wound - separation from God. We also deepen our isolation from others. He offers deep restoration and healing that responds to pain – fully and authentically. He offers a way that does not require deceiving ourselves or others through minimization. He offers hope that inclines our hearts to believe that we are not as hopeless or as enslaved or as “too far gone” as we may think.
How do we live in the reality of our deep need for God and others over self-reliance? It will take boldness to be vulnerable and courage to have hope. We will need a dose (even just a mustard-seed’s worth!) of faith in Jesus Christ, which we can ask Him for. We will risk exposure, but in the risk, God responds, and He will, no doubt, invite you and others to do the same. He may invite you to turn from sin or to reject sinful responses to suffering (in yourself or others). He will probably expose lies you have believed and use others to give sight where you have been blind. He will want to go to your deepest hurts and He will surely invite you to new life.
"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.” – John 10:9-11
--
Some questions that can help us begin the process of really looking and talking honestly about our suffering:
What would it look like for me to be honest in my suffering (past, present, future)?
What am I covering up in my heart by denying or minimizing my suffering?
How might God respond to my pain; what might He be calling me to in my suffering?
Who might I be able to invite into my story?
